SWAT: Sue Warning and Termination
by GreyGryph
Summary: S.W.A.T. is a society created to serve one purpose: to rid the canon worlds of fiction of the ultimate evil: Mary-Sues. Characters needed to fill spaces. See inside for details.
1. Red Alert

**_Disclaimer: _**The genius Tolkien created Middle-earth and all it's inhabitants, he did not, however create the Mary-Sues that constantly screw with it, so they are fair game. Inspiration for this story comes from the 'Protectors of the Plot Continuum' and the 'Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth.' For those who haven't read either: Shame on you! Go do so! Most characters belong to themselves or to the people they are based upon. What else? Oh! I stole the name 'S.W.A.T.', obviously from S.W.A.T Law enforcements, though their name means 'Special Weapons and Tactics.' Enjoy!  
  
_**S.W.A.T: Sue Warning and Termination  
  
Chapter 1: **_Red Alert  
  
_**S.W.A.T. H.Q.  
Location: **_Undisclosed  
**_Time: _**07:21 hours  
  
The morning of May 8th began as all mornings prior had at S.W.A.T (Sue Warning and Termination) Head Quarters. With utter chaos...  
  
Red lights flashed all over, sirens blared, and a voice screamed over the loudspeakers: "Red alert! Red alert! We have a Sue! All intelligence report to your stations! All assassins report to transports! All mechanics report to ammunition! All maintenance workers please report to the third floor bathroom, the toilets are overflowing, something about a 'Magical Sue Artifact' in the plumbing. Oi! Someone from Artifact Management please report to the bathrooms as well. If I have to repeat this heads will roll!"  
  
What could be easily classified as a stampede, rushed down the corridors and up or down the ridiculously long, curving stairwells. Everyone was dispersing into his or her appropriate post. Intelligence to a massive room filled with whirring computers and random machines, which weren't being used (nobody knew what they did). The assassins, to what looked to be elevators, with hundreds of neon buttons covering the surrounding walls, labeled with an assortment of book, movie, anime, TV show, and game titles. The mechanics reported to small booths that appeared to be re-painted hot-dog carts, now handing out bazookas and random semi- automatic guns to assassins as they passed. The maintenance workers and a few Artifact Management personnel turned into a room labeled 'bathroom' in 18 languages, including Pig Latin and Sindarin.  
  
As hell was unleashed in S.W.A.T. Head Quarters a Mary-Sue hummed merrily to herself as she walked across the fields of Rohan, Middle-Earth. She had landed somewhere just outside of Fangorn forest and was walking towards where her 'husband-to-be', Legolas, would be in an hours time. She smiled to herself. She had successfully arrived in Middle-Earth after her family's flight had gone down in the Pacific Ocean when a large flock of Albatross had blinded the pilot, causing him to swerve into an asteroid that had magically appeared out of nowhere. Just before the plane had hit, Bridget had been surrounded my light that shone blue, pink, cream, and mauve (all at once) and was magically transported to Middle-Earth.  
  
Bridget squinted in the distance and saw three people running about a mile and a half away. She squealed in delight and jumped up and down, clapping like an idiot.  
  
The sharp click of a gun being loaded behind her made her stop prancing around and turn.  
  
The sight before her was enough to make a grown man cry.  
  
Over eighty people loaded down with ammunition and explosives stood behind her, their guns all cocked. Here and there in the crowd she could spot a fierce looking animal lunging against its harness, a crazed look in its eyes, whether they were dog, cougar, or even a gazelle. A few people sported missile launchers, or kunai knives.  
  
One person stepped forward.  
  
"Bridget Sunshine?" they asked  
  
Bridget nodded, unable to do anything more.  
  
"S.W.A.T. finds you guilty of being a Mary-Sue, claiming to be Legolas' future wife and killing an entire plane full of people to get to Middle-Earth. You have been sentenced to death, if you have any last words, too bad!" The person ginned menacingly and whistled shrilly. There was a great "BOOM" as Bridget became nothing more than a pile of smoldering ashes in a large crater.  
  
- - - - - - - -  
  
Back at H.Q. a man leaned back in his chare grinning evilly. He heaved a sigh of relief as all the assassins returned from Middle-Earth. He heard the whirring of computers all around him, accompanied by the murmurs of the intelligence workers who typed away at computers.  
  
The door to the surveillance room opened and closed; there was a thump and the sound of someone stomping towards him.  
  
The man in the chair turned and leapt away from the woman who approached him. She was a head shorter than him, with blonde hair that flew behind her as she, noisily, made her way towards him. Her dark hazel eyes that held a manic glint in them even while narrowed into a death glare. Her stomping was followed by the "Click, click" of a dogs nails. Indeed, trotting next to the woman was a gray wolf, or at least it could have been, if it didn't have a pair of feathery wings folded up as she walked.  
  
All around the room people fell silent, shifting away from the woman.  
  
"Steve! That is the last time I leave you in charge of S.W.A.T! I can't believe you! You sent _94 assassins _on one mission! _One_! Not _forty-seven _missions with two a piece! One mission with 94 assassins! You left a crater the size of a swimming pool in the middle of Rohan and scared the living daylights out of cannon characters! Now I have to send a Clean Up Crew to fill in the hole and erase their memories to keep them from all going insane!" She screamed, her eyes blazing, "Get out before I personally disembowel you!"  
  
Needless to say, Steve ran from the room, it was a death wish to stay near Hael Trout when she was this angry. She had nickname 'Bobcat' for a reason and, among other things, when angry her aura was had the nasty tendency to kill.  
  
Hael collapsed into her vacated chair and slammed her head onto her keyboard. The wolf whined in concern and placed its head on her lap, ruffling it's feathers.  
  
"Dear gods, we need new recruits from S.W.A.T. school." She muttered into her keyboard as 'fffffffffff' appeared continually across her screen.  
  
**_To be continued..._**  
  


* * *

**_Author's Note:  
_**  
Well, I've half given up on writing serious fanfics; I loose interest in them to quickly. A few things I want to say, this story was partially thought up by my dear friend and Beta #1, Goddess of the Moon, who also continually bugged me until I wrote this down. More thanks go out to my Beta #2 Kelli1 (another dear friend) who continually scowled at my terrible spelling. One more and I will be done. Thanks to my many insane friends at the Woodland Park Zoo Pony Barn who nudged me in the right direction and always listened to my insane ideas. Thanks y'all!  
  
_**- -WANTED- -**_  
  
Characters needed to fill positions in S.W.A.T.! If interested please send me an E-mail asking for an application/character bio. I'll try and get everyone I can into this! Also Mary-Sue fanfics needed so S.W.A.T. students can learn the basics. Find fanfics online or write one and send it in! 


	2. Welcome to SWAT

**_Disclaimer: _**The genius Tolkien created Middle-earth and all it's inhabitants, he did not, however create the Mary-Sues that constantly screw with it, so they are fair game. Inspiration for this story comes from the 'Protectors of the Plot Continuum' and the 'Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth.' For those who haven't read either: Shame on you! Go do so! The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia, the creators and OFUM belongs to Miss Cam. Most characters belong to themselves or to the people they are based upon. What else? Oh! I stole the name 'S.W.A.T.', obviously from S.W.A.T Law enforcements, though their name means 'Special Weapons and Tactics.' Enjoy!  
  
**_S.W.A.T: Sue Warning and Termination  
  
Day 1: _**Welcome to S.W.A.T.  
  
**_S.W.A.T. H.Q. Location: _**Undisclosed

**_Time: _**1012 hours  
  
With a loud yawn AJ Corwin stretched out on the bus stop bench. She cracked her neck and glanced at her watch. The neon numbers read: 10:12. With a frown AJ looked closer. It had been 10:12 for almost five minutes!  
  
"God damn it!" She exclaimed, tearing the broken watch off her wrist and stuffing it into her sweatshirt pocket. Bumping her hand against a folded piece of paper. AJ sighed and propped her chin up on her elbows. "Where the hell are they?" She growled.  
  
"Right behind you." Someone said into her ear.  
  
AJ leapt to her feet with a yelp and spun to face whatever was behind her, her hand automatically going for the kunai knife she carried with her on her belt.  
  
There wasn't anyone behind her except... a squirrel?  
  
AJ blinked and stared at the squirrel; well at least she thought it was a squirrel. It stood over a foot tall and stared at her with an intelligent gleam in its eyes.  
  
As she watched the rodent wearily AJ's eye started to twitch uncontrollably. She hated squirrels, to the extent that she feared them.  
  
"Quit staring at me as if I just sprouted a second head!" The squirrel growled.  
  
AJ flinched. "I knew it. I should have taken my meds this morning. Giant squirrels are talking to me." She muttered to herself.  
  
"Are you done muttering to yourself now? Because I can assure you I am supposed to be talking." The squirrel said examining a paw carelessly.  
  
"I guess so—"AJ began.  
  
"Good! Because we're running behind schedule!" The overgrown woodland creature said checking a watch on its wrist. "Follow me!"  
  
It bounded off down the street, AJ following chanting, "I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!"  
  
The squirrel led the way to a small park. Once there it dashed into a set of giant bushes.  
  
AJ paused in front of the bushes, weary. 'I must be going insane.' She decided as she ducked into the bushes.  
  
The squirrel was digging in the ground, muttering to its self as it did so. It said things like: "Could have sworn it was here." And "Leah better not start orientation early." And finally "Wonder if we've any new 'sues."  
  
Utterly confused by the last remark, AJ decided to let it drop and watched as the squirrel finally found what it was digging for. It soon had uprooted...a plunger?  
  
"Grab hold!" It said, checking it's little watch again.  
  
Reluctantly AJ did so. She felt as though her arm would be jerked from its socket. She felt a tug from behind her navel and she was flying though the air. Just as she was getting used to the strange, slightly painful way of travel, she was slammed into the ground.  
  
Overbalancing, AJ rolled on the ground and landed in a crouched position.  
  
"Well I'm jealous!" Someone said nearby.  
  
AJ looked around. She had landed in a massive room in the midst of a crowd of people. Everyone was staring at her.  
  
Her face grew hot as she stood up and brushed herself off, trying to act, unsuccessfully, as if nothing had happened.  
  
She remembered something and turned to ask the giant squirrel a question, but it was gone.  
  
AJ turned back to the crowd and walked over to a girl who looked about her age.  
  
"Um, excuse me." She said quietly.  
  
"Hm?" The girl turned to face her. She had chocolate brown hair and bright green eyes "Oh, hi! My name's Rachel." She said with a grin and held out her hand for AJ to shake.  
  
"I'm AJ." AJ said, taking Rachel's hand.  
  
"Nice entrance back there, by the way." Rachel joked.  
  
"It's kind of a natural reaction." She responded, turning pink. Glancing around herself she asked, "Where are we?"  
  
Rachel cocked her head, giving her an odd look. "Didn't you read your letter?"  
  
AJ froze and pulled the folded note from her sweatshirt. "You mean this is S.W.A.T?"  
  
Rachel grinned again. "Yup! Oh! Looks like the orientation's about to begin."  
  
Both teens looked forward to a podium up on a stage.  
  
A woman climbed onto the stage, her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. The lights in the ceiling reflected off of several piercings that marched up her ears, and appeared on her eyebrow and nose. She cleared her throat into the microphone.  
  
Silence engulfed the room, but not before someone loudly said "He did _what_?!"  
  
All eyes were on a girl who instantly blushed and apologized softly.  
  
A couple chuckles were heard in the crowd before the woman at the microphone began.  
  
"Hello, everyone. As I'm sure all of you know by reading the letter we sent you, each and every one of you has been hand picked from hundreds to work here. 'Here' is Sue Warning and Termination. Fondly called S.W.A.T. by all its employees. How many of you read Fanfiction?" almost every hand went into the air "How many of you have ever heard of or read a story about a Mary-Sue?" the majority of people raised their hands again. "Good. For everyone else, a Mary-Sue is an Original Character written into Fanfiction stories. Mary-Sues disrupt the entire canon of the story. They change characters so they are so OOC—that's Out of Character—that they are no longer recognizable. They use improper grammar, and misspell everything they can. They in themselves are the most annoying things that have ever breathed. They can do anything. Anything at all, shoot, use a sword, fly a star fighter, tame a wild animal, anything. And they do it still looking absolutely perfect. In a word they are perfect. Too absolutely perfect to exist.  
  
"We take care of that problem here at S.W.A.T. We eradicate all Sues from the canon and restore natural order, balance, and set the canon to rights. All of you," she pointed into the audience, "Have been chosen to help us do this. You have all been separated into your departments and assigned partners. You all will attend classes for a few months to learn all that you need to know. This first week will be all classes. But starting after that, due to the fact that we are understaffed, you will alternate two days of class to one day of work." She paused a moment as if trying remember something, "Ah, yes. Please note not to touch the perimeter fence, there are sensors that release a pack of animals if you trigger them." Noticing the frightened looks on all of the recruits' faces she added, "They aren't made for you! We have captured Mary-Sues here. If any of them manages to escape the triggers are for them. Now, what have I forgotten? Oh yeah! My name is Hael Trout, and I am Head here. Any questions or complaints go to anyone but me. Oh, and 'Welcome to S.W.A.T.'" With that Hael stepped off the stage and there were polite golf claps.  
  
AJ watched Hael disappear outside the room. She was still very confused as to what she was doing here.  
  
Someone tapped on the microphone, drawing everyone's attention back to the stage.  
  
The giant squirrel sat in front of the microphone. Most stared at it as AJ had when she first saw it. Although, some seemed to have no problem with the giant creature behind the microphone.  
  
"Everyone listen up! I only want to say this once. In a minute everyone is going to quietly file out of this room through those doors," It pointed to a pair of giant double doors to the right. "Everyone go down the stairs and outside. We will be handing out your assignments, class schedules, dorm room assignments, and, for some, partners." It grinned in a very unsquirrelish manner sending chills down AJ's spine. "Okay, let's go!"  
  
The crowd of people began to move slowly towards the door, AJ lost sight of Rachel and soon found herself next to a stocky, though tall girl with reddish brown hair pulled back into a rough ponytail. She was dressed in over-dyed jeans and a dark shirt.  
  
She grinned at AJ and said, "Hey there! My name's Tala. Tala Kaliska."  
  
AJ smiled back shyly. "I'm AJ Corwin."  
  
"Can you believe that there's a giant talking squirrel here?! It's amazing!" Tala exclaimed, glancing back to the stage, but the giant squirrel was gone.  
  
The thought of the massive intelligent rodent made AJ shudder uncomfortably.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Someone asked from behind her.  
  
AJ turned around and found herself facing a muscular young woman with very dark hair and black eyes set against tan skin. She wore baggy white pants that tied at her ankle and a sleeveless white top.  
  
"Oh, I just don't like squirrels that much." AJ said staring at the floor in embarrassment.  
  
"Really? Did one attack you when you were younger?" she asked.  
  
Tala giggled. "Get attacked by a squirrel? How would that happen?"  
  
"It happens quite often, actually." Another voice said, "Especially here, when people don't respect me."  
  
All three girls looked down to find none other than the giant talking squirrel sitting at the top of the stairs, right next to them.  
  
AJ paled and her eye twitched.  
  
"So that's why your eye kept twitching! I thought you had an eyelash in it or something." The woodland creature said, snapping its...paw?  
  
Tala laughed outright now, and someone swatted her on the head with a large hardcover book. "Owie!" she exclaimed rubbing her head and turning to glare at the offending person.  
  
Only to come face to face with Hael.  
  
Hael regarded the three for a moment and said, "Keep moving, you're keeping up the line!"  
  
Sure enough, quite a few people were trapped behind them.  
  
With sheepish smiles the three caught up with the rest of the crowd.  
  
"Oh, by the way, I'm Morfinwen." The woman said, holding out her hand.  
  
AJ took her hand. "AJ."  
  
Soon the entire crowd was descending a staircase and making their way out a pair of double doors to a large grassy courtyard complete with benches and a rather interesting fountain that resembled a school of tropical fish. In the courtyard there were a number of tables set up with people seated behind them. In front of each table was a large sign reading 'Last Name' followed by a list of numbers.  
  
The crowd slowly thinned as people dispersed to the correct table. AJ wandered over to the table that read: "A-C"  
  
She got in the back of the line, and waited. And waited. And grew very bored as she did so. In boredom she pulled out a kunai knife and began absentmindedly cleaning her nails with it.  
  
After what seemed like forever she was at the table.  
  
Behind it sat a girl with wavy, dirty blond hair and really bright blue eyes. "Last name?" she asked not glancing up from her stack of papers.  
  
"Corwin."  
  
The hobbitish girl skimmed down the list and asked, "AJ?" she nodded. "You've been assigned as an assassin—we'll find out where in a moment—your dorm is Stable 'B.' Your partner is Sammy Wing—you'll get to meet her in a minute." She handed AJ a stack of papers. "Here is your class schedule, a campus map, guidelines, and a book list." She clapped her hands together. "Now, let's see where you've been assigned." She dug through the pile of papers and found the one she needed. With a triumphant "Ah hah!" she held it up and glanced at it.  
  
AJ tried to read what it said but the hobbit girl had already put it away. She looked at AJ sympathetically.  
  
"I'm sorry. You've been assigned Lord of the Rings and all attached fandoms." She winced at the thought. "Good luck, you'll need it."  
  
AJ blinked in confusion but was ushered away from the table so the next person could be assigned.  
  
"You realize you're going to get run over if you stand there, right?" someone said calmly.  
  
AJ glanced at the person who had spoken. It was another teenaged girl, a bit taller than herself, with long black hair. She was dressed in a long-sleeved black shirt and black yoga pants. Beside her was another girl, grinning insanely, dressed in what could only be described as robes. She had very short, spiked blue hair that stood out in the crowd and earrings marching up her ear.  
  
"Hi! I'm Claire! This is Kess!" The girl with spiked hair said, still grinning.  
  
"I'm AJ."  
  
"Where'd you get assigned? You look like you're in shock." Kess said, considerably calmer than her friend.  
  
"I'm an assassin, for Lord of the Rings." AJ said, still not believing it herself.  
  
Both girls winced.  
  
"Oh, bad luck." Claire said. "But, we're assassins too!"  
  
"Except we're for Harry Potter." Kess continued.  
  
"But this should be fun!" Claire exclaimed happily  
  
"We get to kill the most evil beings ever!" Kess said, a frightening grin forming on her face.  
  
"Mary-Sues." They chorused in hushed voices.  
  
All over the campus dingos howled, lightning flashed overhead, and old Spice Girls music played in the distance.  
  
AJ looked around, confused. Had nobody else noticed the cheesy special effects?  
  
"So, do you know how we're going to eliminate them?" AJ asked still looking around suspiciously.  
  
"Any way you want to really." Claire said with a shrug and whipped out a set of Tojo blades. Tojo blades were, in a sense a miniature buzz saw, they were small disks with blades that could be spun on a special device and used as a saw, or spun and thrown.  
  
"Yeah, Mary-Sues—"Dingos howled, lightning flashed and Spice Girls sang. "—are all vermin. The only good one is a dead one." Kess had daggers in hand as if ready to attack.  
  
AJ nodded, not knowing what else to say.  
  
"You're a quiet one, for an assassin. You sure you up to killing people?" Claire asked, putting her blades away inside her robes.  
  
"Yeah, I'm just quiet, it comes with how I was trained." AJ said with a shrug.  
  
"Eh? And how were you trained?" Kess said tilting her head.  
  
"Erm... I'm actually a ninja..." AJ said quietly  
  
"Really?! Cool!" Claire and Kess exclaimed much too loudly. AJ tried her hardest to disappear.  
  
"Yeah, so I was trained in stealth and silence." AJ continued, trying to distract the two so nobody would look over.  
  
AJ saw Tala and Morfinwen in the crowd and smiled as the two waved energetically as they made their way towards her.  
  
"So, what department are you in?" Tala asked with a large grin.  
  
"I'm an assassin, for Lord of the Rings." AJ responded.  
  
The two winced.  
  
"Sorry to hear that. Who's your partner?" Morfinwen said with a sympathetic pat on AJ's shoulder.  
  
"Sammy Wing." AJ recited. "I've no idea who she is."  
  
Her four friends looked lost in thought for a moment then snapped out of it.  
  
"Doesn't ring a bell." Claire said  
  
"Nope." Tala said with a shrug.  
  
Morfinwen and Kess just shook their heads.  
  
"Who're you two by the way?"  
  
Kess and Claire introduced themselves, as did Tala and Morfinwen.  
  
"What dorm did you get?" Claire asked their small group.  
  
"Main Barracks, floor 3." Tala read off of a sheet of paper in her hand.  
  
"Same, except floor 8." Morfinwen said, making a face.  
  
"Stable 'B'." AJ said  
  
"Main Barracks, ground floor!" Kess and Claire exclaimed, exchanging high fives.  
  
"I'm going to go see if I can find my partner. I'd like to meet her." AJ said and waved to her friends as she pulled her map out of her pocket.  
  
After a quick glance at the map she began to walk towards the stables. As she got close she heard someone yelling, "Get them away from me!"  
  
AJ raced towards the voice and saw that a girl with very short dark brown hair, rectangle glasses, and deep brown eyes was being attacked by... butterflies?  
  
Raising an eyebrow she trotted over to the girl, now rolling on the ground in a manner that reminded AJ of a seizure. She swatted a couple of neon yellow butterflies away from the girl. The butterflies hissed at AJ and flew away, leaving a rather confused ninja in their wake.  
  
"You okay?" she asked the girl on the ground.  
  
"Yeah, fine. Bloody butterflies..." she muttered, then smiled at AJ, "Thanks. You saved me from those nasty little things."  
  
"No problem." AJ said, starting to realize than nothing normal would happen at S.W.A.T.  
  
"I'm Toni Geens." She said holding her hand out.  
  
"AJ Corwin." AJ said taking the girls hand.  
  
"So, what department are you in?" Toni asked brushing herself off casually.  
  
"Assassin for Lord of the Rings." AJ sighed.  
  
Toni winced.  
  
"Why does everyone keep doing that?!" AJ growled stuffing her hands in her pockets angrily.  
  
"Didn't you ever read Fanfiction?" Toni asked, watching AJ.  
  
"Not really..." Was the girl's quiet answer.  
  
"What?!" Toni exclaimed, jaw dropping. A second later she regained her composure and cleared her throat. "You see, of all the subjects for people to write about, Lord of the Rings is the most common—many reasons why, I'm sure—but the point is the more Fanfictions written, the more Mary-Sues created." AJ paled reasonably.  
  
"Shit."  
  
"To say the least," Toni said and glanced at her watch. "Oops, sorry, must dash!" That said Toni raced off across the campus. "See you around AJ!"  
  
AJ waved and was left to her own thoughts as she finished making her way across the massive campus to Stable 'B.' _'Why me of all people?!' _

Finally the stable loomed over her. She wouldn't actually call it a stable, really. It was more like a three story house, with stalls on the bottom floor. Glancing down the large aisle of stalls she realized how big a place this was. Soon she stumbled across a flight of stairs and made her way up.  
  
The second floor looked like an apartment complex. Doors scattered the hall with names written onto bronze plaques on each door.  
  
She walked down the hall glancing at the names until she found the one labeled, Lord of the Rings: AJ Corwin and Sammy Wing.  
  
She turned the knob and entered, only to be tackled by someone as soon as she entered the room.  
  
**_To be continued..._**

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**  
Well here's chapter two! If any of the people I added here have complaints or anything tell me and I'll fix them. Sorry it took so long to update. My Beta #1 took a long time in editing. Feel free to yell at her and/or throw rotten food at her [innocent smile]. Due to pestering by another friend I am glad to announce that my new Beta #3 is none other than Silma! [scattered applause] More thanks to Beta #2 (can you make me some of those cookies? Please? They're so good!) for her excellent help and constant complaints of: "When are you going to post?" I think I'm the only person on earth who has 3 Beta Readers... Whatever... More thanks to the WPZ Pony Barn, especially Leah and Rachel (See you two Sunday!).  
Special thanks to: Goddess of the Moon, Kelli, AAAclub, nienna- yavetil, Hobbit-eyes, Orliey, Bed 'N' Breakfast, Shadis DaKitty, Silma, Dew- Shan of Egypt, and Beloved Fool for their kind reviews! I love you guys! See y'all around!  
  
**_Still Wanted:_**  
  
Characters needed to fill positions in S.W.A.T.! If interested please send me an E-mail asking for an application/character  
bio. I'll try and get everyone I can into this! Also Mary-Sue fanfics needed so S.W.A.T. students can learn the basics. Find fanfics online or  
write one and send it in! 


	3. Attack Animals and Escape

**_Disclaimer: _**The genius Tolkien created Middle-earth and all it's inhabitants, he did not, however create the Mary-Sues that constantly screw with it, so they are fair game. Inspiration for this story comes from the 'Protectors of the Plot Continuum' and the 'Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth.' For those who haven't read either: Shame on you! Go do so! The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia, the creators and OFUM belongs to Miss Cam. Most characters belong to themselves or to the people they are based upon. What else? Oh! I stole the name 'S.W.A.T.', obviously from S.W.A.T Law enforcements, though their name means 'Special Weapons and Tactics.' Enjoy!

**_Random Advertisement:_** Don't forget to visit the S.W.A.T. Website at: __  
  
**_S.W.A.T: Sue Warning and Termination  
  
Day 1: _**Attack Animals and Escape  
  
**_S.W.A.T. H.Q._**

**_Location: _**Undisclosed

**_Time: _**1237 hours  
  
_She turned the knob and entered, only to be tackled by someone as soon as she entered the room..._  
  
With a yelp of shock AJ and her attacker landed with a thud in a heap on the floor. After a quick struggle AJ found herself in a headlock.

"Who are you?" Her attacker growled from behind.

"AJ." She croaked.

"Oh! Okay!" With that she was released. Her attacker offered AJ a hand and helped to hoist her to her feet. "My name's Sammy Wing."

"AJ Corwin."

"Nice to meet you! Sorry about the headlock back there." Sammy said rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment.

"It's okay." AJ said and took a good look at her partner. Sammy was tall, about 5'10" and looked to be at least 20, maybe older. She had brown hair pulled back into two French braids ending in a bun at the nape of her neck. She wore a dark green tank top and slightly baggy blue jeans.

"So, I hope you don't mind, but I took this bed." Sammy was saying pointing to one side of the room. There was a small bed pushed into a corner. Glancing around, she saw that there was another bed on the other side of the room. There were a couple of boxes on Sammy's bed, one of which was half unpacked.

AJ wandered to the free bed and collapsed on it.

"Oh yeah, be careful when you sit on your bed," Sammy began

"Why?" AJ asked lifting her head from the pillow.

There was a _pop _and three large boxes materialized out of nowhere above her and fell on her with a crash.

AJ moaned from beneath the pile of things.

"I tried to warn you." Sammy said, pulling a stack of books out from one of her boxes and placing them on a shelf.

Once AJ disentangled herself from her things she began looking at them all.

Most were completely understandable. She pulled out clothes, books, her weapons, toiletries, her 'Wall-o-Fame,' which was actually a dart board covered with pictures of people she dislikes, and—

"A stuffed tiger!" Sammy laughed with disbelief from across the room.

AJ turned red and quickly stuffed her favorite childhood toy under her pillow.

"Awww. It's so cute... wittle AJ needs her tiger." Sammy was nearly crying from laughter

"It's not _that _funny!" AJ exclaimed, turning a shade of red that made a tomato look pale.

Her partner was holding a stitch in her side, "Ouch! It hurts!"

AJ turned to glare at her partner, picking up the largest hardcover book she could find, which just happened to be a very large dictionary. She noticed something hidden in the bottom of one of Sammy's boxes and pulled it out.

"Awww. Is this your stuffed unicorn Sammy? It's so cute!" She grinned evilly, holding up the aged toy to show Sammy.

The woman froze, glared, stood up and snatched the unicorn back.

"I won't say a word if you don't." AJ said with a grin firmly planted on her face.

"Deal."

The two shook hands and continued to unpack their possessions. Sammy finished unpacking soon after and dumped out the thick packet they'd been given in the courtyard on her bed.

"_Damn. _Why'd they have to use this picture of me? How'd they get this picture anyway?" Sammy complained looking at a small card.

"Eh?" AJ snuck a peek over Sammy's shoulder. She was holding an ID card. The picture was not all that flattering. AJ choked back a laugh.

Sammy swiftly slapped AJ upside the head with a thick hard covered book entitled: '1,001 terms and/or things to know when working in S.W.A.T.' She sneered at AJ. "And _your _picture is any better?"

AJ pulled out her packet, found her ID, and promptly winced.

"Is that even you?" Sammy inquired, pointing to the picture.

AJ shuddered involuntarily. "Sadly."

Sammy snorted and fought back laughter. Stuffing her ID in her pocket with a sigh AJ asked, "Hey, do you know where the bathroom is?"

"Down the hall, to the left." Sammy responded, as she flipped through a manga. No sooner had she stepped into the hall than something collided into her, sending her falling to the floor in a heap.

"Oww... that hurt" She stated, rather calmly to the ceiling.

"You can say that again." A muffled familiar voice said a few feet away.

With a wince AJ sat up and looked at the person in question.

Rachel lay flat on her face in the middle of the hall. The brunette pushed herself to her knees. "That was a rush!" she exclaimed, then noticed whom she'd hit. "AJ! Cool! We're on the same floor! Sorry about hitting you, the floor's slippery! It's really fun to slide on! It works best if you only wear socks too!"

With that she leapt to her feet and ran a few steps before sliding the rest of the way down the hall, and straight into the men's bathroom.

There was a moment of shocked silence then a muffled yell and Rachel saying, "Sorry about that!"

Rachel flew out of the bathroom and slid once more on the floor, though this time she didn't hit anything, she just lost her balance and landed with a thud on her back.

Golf claps filled the hallway. Sammy, who had opened the door when AJ had been hit, was scribbling on a piece of cardboard.

She held up the sign that now read: '8.4' and said "It was a good fall, not enough flailing of the arms though. Your face gave you extra points too."

Rachel leapt to her feet and took a corny bow. "Thank you! Thank—"

"Attention!" A voice boomed over some unseen loudspeakers. People spun around in the hall, trying to locate the speakers. "All new recruits get your asses down to the main practice fields _now_. If all of you aren't there in 5 minutes you _will _spend the night with the 'Sues." The results of such a threat were instantaneous. The entire dorm emptied in a flood of chaos, Rachel still in her socks, Sammy with a copy of "Rurouni Kenshin" in hand, AJ with a very full bladder, and everyone else in various states of disarray.

Quickly, everyone trotted to the main practice fields, which were located between the main barracks and the stables. They were greeted by a massive assortment of crates in the center of the field. The crates ranged in size from hand-sized to car-size. Many of the crates shook and a few squawked.

AJ peered around, looking for familiar faces in the massive crowd. Kess and Claire soon appeared out of the crowd and made their way over to AJ and Sammy with difficulty. Morfinwen and Tala also found their way over to the group. Someone tapped AJ on the shoulder and she turned to see Toni behind her. Soon everyone was in small groups.

Everyone was eyeing the crates nervously as they talked quietly.

"Is everyone here?" Someone called over the murmur of the crowd.

Everyone fell silent and stared towards the middle of the field. There was a teenager standing atop a crate waving to get everyone's attention.

"Good! Now everyone take a seat right over here!" She indicated the area in front of the crates. "Due to the fact that you have some time tonight we, the staff, have decided we'd give you all your first weapon tonight. In these crates we have your Attack Animals. All of them once belonged to Mary-Sues—"Dingo's howled, lightning flashed, and Spice Girls played. "—all of them have been rescued and trained to attack any 'Sue they are told to. We have everything you can think of from horses to hawks to soot-balls and more. Everyone will receive a piece of paper with a number on it. The number corresponds to the number on the crate. The creature within is yours. You will feed it, play with it and come to depend on it. By the way, my name's Alicia and because we are understaffed I am your 'Training your Attack Animal' teacher as well as head of the Creature Management Department. Now, everyone line up and take a number out of this bin!" Alicia hopped off of the crate and plopped a bin in the middle of the space between the crates and the beginners.

AJ, Sammy, Toni, Rachel, Kess, Claire, Morfinwen, and Tala got in line and after a few minutes in line had a small piece of paper each.

"On the count of three..." Tala said, holding up the papers once they were out of the way.

"One." Sammy said.

"Two." Morfinwen followed.

"Three!" Kess and Claire exclaimed at the same moment.

All eight of them opened their papers.

"33!" Toni exclaimed.

"Lucky 7!" Tala said happily.

"23." Morfinwen read.

"16." Claire said

"47." Sammy read

"29." Rachel said.

"51." AJ said

"13." Kess finished with a grin.

"Sorry about that." Rachel said, clapping Kess on the shoulder.

"About what? 13's my lucky number!" Kess replied with a rather sinister grin.

"Stay in a group and go in order?" Tala asked her friends.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Yay! Me first!" Tala exclaimed and bounded off down the line of crates to number 7. It was medium sized and Tala tore the top off before anyone could blink.

Inside the crate was a pink, fluffy, winged unicorn the size of a dog.

Everyone blinked at the creature except for Tala who gave the unicorn a great big hug. It squawked in a very bird-like manner but didn't retaliate.

"That, without a doubt, is the most obvious Mary-Sue—"dingos, lightning and Spice Girls "—'Fuzzy Animal Friend' I've ever seen!" Sammy exclaimed.

"Its name is 'Starbright'" Tala read off of the crate.

"Figures." Morfinwen sighed.

The unicorn gave the group a look that clearly said, "What the hell are you looking at?"

Everyone exchanged glances and shrugged.

"Okay." Kess said, promptly killing the silence, and lead the way to the massive crate numbered 13.

The crate had a 'door' on the front, which was nothing more than a hole and a set of hinges.

Kess opened the giant door and peered in. She gave a happy squeal and disappeared inside.

"You're so _pretty_!" She exclaimed from within.

The remaining seven outside cautiously opened the door to find Kess hugging a massive black draft horse. The horse was very interested in its new mistress and nibbled her hair. AJ noticed that its eyes were blood red but said nothing about it.

"I dub thee Doom!" Kess announced. Doom whickered in agreement.

"Onward to my crate!" Claire announced in an overly dramatic way as she sashayed over to the crate numbered 16.

Crate 16 was smaller than Doom's crate had been, and shook violently as Claire pried the lid off. A streak of black and white hopped out and promptly began nuzzling against Claire.

"Awww. I've always wanted a penguin!" she said and hugged the arctic bird. "Any name on the crate?"

AJ looked the crate over. "Nothing."

"Good! I'll call him.... Um..." She paused then exclaimed, "Jack Sparrow!"

Jack squawked approval and began preening his feathers.

Morfinwen led the way to the crate numbered 23. She inspected the crate for a name but couldn't find one. "Perfect. And I can't think of a name right now..." she muttered as she opened up the box. A hawk fluttered out and landed on Morfinwen's shoulder.

The girl grinned and stroked the hawk's chest feathers. "Sadly you're going to be nameless until I figure something out..." the hawk didn't make a noise but instead began preening Morfinwen's hair.

"My turn!" Rachel exclaimed and trotted over to crate 29 excitedly. She wasted no time in opening it up and promptly pounced on her Attack Animal. "It's so cute!" She exclaimed and pulled out a Labrador puppy. Well, it should have been a lab, except it was...gray.

"His name's Max." Kess said pointing to the writing on the crate.

AJ wasn't sure if Rachel had heard or not, she was talking to the puppy excitedly and Max was barking in reply.

"Right! My turn!" Toni stepped a few feet over to crate 33 and read the name on the box. "Star? Cute name." She opened the crate and grabbed the creature within in a giant hug. "I got a dog! Yay!"

Indeed, Star was a young looking black Labrador who wagged her tail excitedly and licked Toni's face.

"Yes! My turn!" Sammy said pumping the air with her fist. She bounded happily over to crate 47 and tore it open.

Everyone peered inside where the strangest creature sat. It was a blue, and I mean blue tabby cat. Except it had a pair of small antlers on its head. It looked up at Sammy and cocked its head.

"It looks like a jackalope, except, not." Kess said patting Doom on the neck.

"Rain." Sammy stated. Everyone looked at her curiously. "Her name's Rain."

"And last but not least!" Rachel said dramatically indicating to AJ with odd gestures as Max barked excitedly around her feet.

AJ wandered to her crate and pried the lid open. Something small leapt out and AJ caught the creature in her arms.

If she didn't know any better she'd say it was a cat. The creature was small enough to sit on her hand, virtually weightless, and had two tails. Its fur was black, except a diamond of cream on its head, boots and a stripe around each fluffy tail. Its eyes were large and bright red.

It looked at AJ and meowed, sounding like a squeaky toy.

There was a collective 'Awww' from AJ and her friends and the cat grinned, looking like the Cheshire cat with sharper teeth.

"Guys, I need name ideas..." AJ said absently petting her cat-thing.

"How about—"Kess started but was cut off by Claire.

"Savvy!" The girl exclaimed, startling Jack who was in her arms.

"No!" Everyone chorused.

A loud booming voice cackled over-head and the group of friends looked around in confusion. Kess looked straight up and made a face.

"Fate." She groaned. "Your stuck with that name now." She patted Savvy on the head sympathetically.

AJ glared at the clouds and muttered, "Fate's a bitch."

Everyone's peaceful night's sleep was interrupted as they were all jolted into wakefulness thanks to the lovely sound of sirens.

"Bloody hell." Sammy yelped as she leapt out of her bed, knocking Rain off of her chest.

AJ groaned and glanced at her clock. "It's the middle of the night..."

Sammy shuffled over to the door and glanced outside. A few of the senior floor-mates were dressed and dragging weapons behind them, their Attack-Animals following.

"What's going on?" Sammy asked, directing the question at nobody in particular.

Sponge, a senior Assassin, answered her as he passed, strapping a long sword to his belt as his Attack Animal, a hell hound, trotted beside him, tongue lolling as it thought of killing. "Sirens mean a Sue has escaped and is loose on the compound. Assassins are supposed to assemble in the courtyard for instructions." He paused and added, "Don't forget your headset" He tapped his small, nearly invisible earpiece.

Sammy relayed this to AJ and the two quickly got dressed, Sammy in her normal attire, and AJ in a black outfit that Sammy christened her 'Ninja outfit'. Both pulled out their weapons and headed out the door, their Attack Animals following behind them as they joined the crowds heading to the Courtyard.

AJ glanced over as Sammy strapped her gun hostler to her leg and her two swords to her hip and her back respectively. All of AJ's weapons were concealed. She had kunai knives, shuriken throwing stars, and her kodachi, a short Japanese sword, was fastened at her hip, she'd even grabbed her 'Tessen' metal fan, and her 'Neko-te' metal claws, which were in a utility pouch on her hip along with a few other useful items.

Soon the assassins of SWAT were gathered in the courtyard. There was a quiet murmur from everyone as they waited for instructions. A sharp whistle caught everyone's attention. Hael was standing up on a bench. She glared at all of them, and then spoke.

"As many of you know, there has been a breakout. A cell holding 15 Mary-Sues—"Dingos, Lightning and Spice Girls"—was broken out of. All of the 'Sues are still somewhere on the compound. We need newbies in groups of six, senior assassins in groups of two to four. Split up and find all of the 'Sues before they can find a way to escape. Be careful. The cell held standard Sues, Evil Sues and "she shuddered" Warrior sues." With that she jumped off of the bench and stalked off, an unsheathed knife in hand.

In an instant groups were formed. Kess, Claire, Rachel, and her partner who liked to be called Malice joined AJ and Sammy.

All of the groups spread out to search the compound. AJ and their friends moved as silently as they could. Which was quite loud thanks to Doom and Malice's Attack Animal, a Pegasus named Ophelia. AJ kept wincing when the giant horse-based creatures stepped on twigs and dead leaves.

Rachel was sending Max in front of them trying to find a scent but the gray dog couldn't find anything.

There was a muffled scream from the direction of the Main Barracks.

"One bitch down." Someone announced over the headset, "Standard Sue. Tag number... 98365."

AJ and Sammy had learned earlier from Ara, another senior employee who specialized in spy work and intelligence gathering by going undercover with sues, that all captured Sues were tagged with a number.

For the next few minutes there was silence, then other assassins announced that two more had been caught.

At one point there was a bright flash at one of the perimeter fence and suddenly the sound of a stampede of Attack Animals. Dogs bayed, horses whinnied, cats yowled, bears roared, and a Mary-Sue screamed. Alicia, head of Creature Management, announced that "Her babies had caught a snack" before she began laughing.

More and more Sue's were located until five were left. AJ, Sammy, Kess, Claire, Rachel, and Malice wandered into the small wooded area used for training.

AJ felt a chill run down her spine, and she froze, glancing around the forest. She spotted someone's silhouette further off.

She lightly cleared her throat. Everyone turned to look at her.

"There's one over there, beyond that far oak tree, next to the rock." AJ whispered.

Sammy glanced in the direction of the Sue and swore gently. "Warrior Sue. She picked up a bow and a quiver somewhere."

Malice grinned evilly. "Well then, I say we set a bit of a trap for our perfect friend."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"If I can get closer, I can get rid of her weapon." AJ offered.

"Now how can we do that?" Claire wondered aloud.

"Flush her out, of course." Rachel said matter-of-factly.

The group paused for a second, then Sammy crouched down and found a stick. "I've got an idea." She said and scratched a few things in the dirt. "We'll have to split up. Claire, you and Kess go this way and get behind her from this way." Sammy scratched a few more things. "Rachel and Malice go the other way and help flush her towards here. AJ you get up in a tree or something and get ready. I'm going to be bait so if you screw up AJ, I'll kill you."

AJ nodded and without another word, literally melted into the trees.

"Okay. That was scary..." Rachel said nervously from their starting point.

AJ grinned to herself and positioned herself in a tree.

Soon the two pairs of Assassins were stomping through the trees, getting behind the Mary-sue and flushing it towards Sammy, who was currently sitting with her back against a tree, pretending to be asleep.

Sammy had stuck her old, now useless car-keys, on one of the loops on her jeans, where they were very visible. They were to lure the Sue into thinking that Sammy held the key to the massive front gate.

After a few minutes and a few more Sues had been found, AJ heard soft footsteps headed towards Sammy. Silently AJ 'accidentally' dropped a handful of caltrops in the Sue's path.

Needless to say, once the Sue had stepped on the caltrops the game became downright hilarious. The Sue was dressed in a ridiculously frilly pink dress. It would appear the dress repelled dirt or anything messy at that. It also seemed to have the ability to blend into the forest, despite it's nauseating color.

Sammy gave up on the sleep bit once the Sue began dancing around trying to avoid the sharp pieces of metal. She laughed and walked over to the Sue. More laugher came from the woods. Rachel, Malice, Claire and Kess returned to form a circle around the Sue.

"Well, hello there!" Sammy said in a sugar-sweat voice. "Have you something in your foot?"

"You—"The Sue steamed, at a loss for words. She raised her bow and quit prancing.

"Can't have you shooting anyone." AJ remarked from her tree and with a quick wrist flick a small shuriken whizzed by everyone and sliced the bowstring before harmlessly embedding itself in a tree trunk.

AJ dropped out of the tree and grinned impishly at the Mary-Sue.

The Sue sputtered again and turned to flee.

"Nope! Can't have that!" Rachel said and swiftly kicked the Sue hard in the knee.

Everyone winced as the bones were crushed.

The Sue paled, crumpled to the ground and yelped as it landed on more caltrops.

"Now, who wants the honor of killing her?" Rachel asked looking around.

Instantly Claire's hand leapt into the air.

"Me! I do! I want to kill her!" she exclaimed excitedly. She whipped out a wand. "I've always wanted to use the killing curse on a Sue."

The Sue paled and opened her mouth to beg.

"Avada Kedavra!"

There was a flash of green lights and the last Escaped Mary-Sue was no more.

_To be continued..._

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**  
There's chapter three! Hope you enjoyed. Sorry it took a while I've been a bit busy. I changed my Pen name, if anyone noticed. This one fits me better and I finally got rid of that Mary-Sue-ish name. [shudders]. Sadly I will be without a computer for a week starting Sunday. Hopefully I'll be able to write more on paper while I'm on vacation. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! I adore people who review. I feel so special . Thanks to my friends and Beta's, Kess, Rachel, Sammy, and Hael who continually pestered me. Hael, sorry it's taking so long with your story. Rachel, Tell everyone I say 'Hello' on Sunday. Kess, don't kill anyone while I'm gone. Sammy, Chocolate chips! Also, Sammy, we need to make our list so I can pick up a few manga in Oregon.  
Special thanks to: Kelli (erm, I mean Aurien ), AAAClub, Beloved Fool, Hobbit-eyes, Bed 'N' Breakfast, The Arwen Police, Hael, Sponge (there is Ninja-ness in this chapter enjoy!)  
  
**_Still Wanted:_**  
  
Characters needed to fill positions in S.W.A.T.! If interested please send me an E-mail ) asking for an application/character bio. I'll try and get everyone I can into this! Also Mary-Sue fanfics needed so S.W.A.T. students can learn the basics. Find fanfics online or write one and send it in! 


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